Lord,
Why is it that just that I thought I am able to stand up and walk beside you again, you just send me another blow? How many such blows can I take? How far you want me to fall before saving me?
Why do you seems like enjoying yourself to see me tear everytime? So much so that this time round, I cant even tear anymore?
2 years ago, I was so happy cos I finally got my driving license on 23 Jan 2008.. In less than 2 months, you sent my entire world crashing down on me by taking away the most important person out of my life, by taking her away from me. With her, all my confidence, my strength, my life and energy were all sucked out of me...
That amount of tears that you enjoy lasted for almost 6 months daily, with interval attacks after that.. Are you really enjoying it? Or are you crying with me?
I thought everything would come to an end with that torturous period of time.. Little did I know that the learning of how to cry is only the start....
As I got myself baptised, I thought I had obeyed what you have commanded and I will walk closer with you.. Yet from there, waves of attacks just started pouring in.. From Church Retreat to the failure of evangelism and keeping hold to the people I tried to evangelise; From the death of my grandfather to the accusation during the Mission Trip; From the rejection to the feeling of being make use of and being cheated..
Lord, how much of these attacks you want me to endure? Are you really there when I needed you? While the Bible says we are worth more than many sparrows, does that person includes me? Why do I feel that you hate me so much? Why is it that after letting me know that you will not forsake me, I feel so forsaken again?
Mike once said that my salvation is under threat this time round.. So he asked me to get closer to you and to cling on tighter to you, which is the reason why I am going to the Botanic Gardens weekly to try to get closer to you.. Yet why is it that you keep pushing me away? WHY?!
Lord, I really dunno what I am praying for now? I really dunno what am I doing anymore.. I really dunno what is my direction, my goal, and my future anymore..
Everyone say that you will guide me.. Will you? Are you willing? Do you even exist?
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hey... go read ecclesiates 3:1-17. (: i hope it cheers and rethink about his existance, yeahhs. (: he may seem to be sleeping but maybe this is the best answer to our prayers, alrights.
ReplyDeleteCHEER UP. God will never push us away. its crazy to think that! (: