Guess it is goodbye for good

Dear Lord,

Is that phone call with PeiXia a sign from You to get me to move on in life?

I guess it is goodbye for good this time.. All the hopes of repairing the friendship, repairing the relationship is finally proven to be nothing but just dreams that will never come true.. All the prayers went unanswered, all the dream bubbles went blasting into nothing, all the wonderful memories shall stay as memories, never to be brought forward to the future..

Perhaps it is time to wake up, wake up from this dream, this dream that will never be turned into reality..

For the last couple of weeks, I had been going through many emotional roller-coaster.. To the extend that I feel extremely tired and want to give up on everything.. I used to think that my long hours in my work can help to suppress all my feelings and emotions, only to realised that suppressed feelings are just a potential ticking timebomb awaiting to explode..

So many things had gone past my life for the past 1 plus year.. To be more exact, after my baptism.. So many negativities surrounded me and the past year had proved to be extremely detrimental to my Christianity life..

Little did I realised that I can backslide to the extend that I am in now.. This blog is really something.. Right from day 1, where my spiritual health is at one of the highest peck, I claim that this blog will track my ups and downs in my spiritual well-being.. Now, I am really at lowest time since I accepted You, my Lord, into my life..


Forgiving, that is what Ps Mike had told me to do.. Forgive Others, Forgive yourself, and Ask for Forgiveness.


Even Lilly, who is not a Christian, told me that faith should come first so that I can get out of this slump..
Celeste, a mere 15 year old young girl, also told me to stay close to my Lord so as to overcome all my problems..

All these people are non-christians, yet all of them stood by me at this period of time..
All these people are non-christians, yet all of them told me to stay close to my faith..
All these people are non-christians, yet all of them knew better that you Lord, will get me through this period of time..


I thank you, Lord, for giving me angels after angels whenever I am in problematic situations..

In the past when I broke up with Don, you sent me David and Lilly to help me thru'.
Now, going thru a much rockier period, you sent me Celeste and Lilly to help me try to get out..

I really thankyou Lord.

While I may go back to my emotional status from time to time, at least I know I can seek comfort in you..

Lord,
this time round, may I be selfish and pray only for myself? Cos given my current status, chances are my prayers wont be heard.. So all I asked for is juz for myself, for the time being, until I am able to rekindler our relationship once more, Lord..


My prayers for myself would be that:

Lord, can You bring me back closer to you once again. My faith had been on a free fall for the past one year. Enough is enough. I wish to get back my faith in track. This slump in faith was much much worse than I had ever imagine. Lord, please give me the strength to overcome all obstacles that I may face, and let me move on from here.

Lord, also, please show me how to forgive others, and more importantly, how to forgive myself.. Everytime I have someone to forgive, I find it easier to forgive that person than myself. I always feel that I am at fault in everything. Lord give me strength, courage and wisdom to forgive others, forgive myself, as well as to seek forgivness from you.. I dare not seek forgivness from you yet, cos I feel that I would be extremely insincere given the fact that I still could forgive so many people, so many things and so many events.. Lord, I am sorry..

Lord, last but not least in this blog entry, please guide me through all these obstacles, continue to lead me towards you, continue to lead me to run towards that finishing line, so that I will be able to get my rewards from you, my reward of eternity with you..


Thanks Lord,

All these I sincerely asked in Jesus most preious name,
Amen!