Guess it is goodbye for good

Dear Lord,

Is that phone call with PeiXia a sign from You to get me to move on in life?

I guess it is goodbye for good this time.. All the hopes of repairing the friendship, repairing the relationship is finally proven to be nothing but just dreams that will never come true.. All the prayers went unanswered, all the dream bubbles went blasting into nothing, all the wonderful memories shall stay as memories, never to be brought forward to the future..

Perhaps it is time to wake up, wake up from this dream, this dream that will never be turned into reality..

For the last couple of weeks, I had been going through many emotional roller-coaster.. To the extend that I feel extremely tired and want to give up on everything.. I used to think that my long hours in my work can help to suppress all my feelings and emotions, only to realised that suppressed feelings are just a potential ticking timebomb awaiting to explode..

So many things had gone past my life for the past 1 plus year.. To be more exact, after my baptism.. So many negativities surrounded me and the past year had proved to be extremely detrimental to my Christianity life..

Little did I realised that I can backslide to the extend that I am in now.. This blog is really something.. Right from day 1, where my spiritual health is at one of the highest peck, I claim that this blog will track my ups and downs in my spiritual well-being.. Now, I am really at lowest time since I accepted You, my Lord, into my life..


Forgiving, that is what Ps Mike had told me to do.. Forgive Others, Forgive yourself, and Ask for Forgiveness.


Even Lilly, who is not a Christian, told me that faith should come first so that I can get out of this slump..
Celeste, a mere 15 year old young girl, also told me to stay close to my Lord so as to overcome all my problems..

All these people are non-christians, yet all of them stood by me at this period of time..
All these people are non-christians, yet all of them told me to stay close to my faith..
All these people are non-christians, yet all of them knew better that you Lord, will get me through this period of time..


I thank you, Lord, for giving me angels after angels whenever I am in problematic situations..

In the past when I broke up with Don, you sent me David and Lilly to help me thru'.
Now, going thru a much rockier period, you sent me Celeste and Lilly to help me try to get out..

I really thankyou Lord.

While I may go back to my emotional status from time to time, at least I know I can seek comfort in you..

Lord,
this time round, may I be selfish and pray only for myself? Cos given my current status, chances are my prayers wont be heard.. So all I asked for is juz for myself, for the time being, until I am able to rekindler our relationship once more, Lord..


My prayers for myself would be that:

Lord, can You bring me back closer to you once again. My faith had been on a free fall for the past one year. Enough is enough. I wish to get back my faith in track. This slump in faith was much much worse than I had ever imagine. Lord, please give me the strength to overcome all obstacles that I may face, and let me move on from here.

Lord, also, please show me how to forgive others, and more importantly, how to forgive myself.. Everytime I have someone to forgive, I find it easier to forgive that person than myself. I always feel that I am at fault in everything. Lord give me strength, courage and wisdom to forgive others, forgive myself, as well as to seek forgivness from you.. I dare not seek forgivness from you yet, cos I feel that I would be extremely insincere given the fact that I still could forgive so many people, so many things and so many events.. Lord, I am sorry..

Lord, last but not least in this blog entry, please guide me through all these obstacles, continue to lead me towards you, continue to lead me to run towards that finishing line, so that I will be able to get my rewards from you, my reward of eternity with you..


Thanks Lord,

All these I sincerely asked in Jesus most preious name,
Amen!

Confused state of mind

Dear Lord,

Haiz.. These few days I had been extremely confused.. The past and the present are all mixing themselves up and trumbling upon me..

I felt suffocated..

I dunno whats wrong with me anymore.. Or perhaps I know, just that I couldnt find a way out.. I am losing sight of you Lord. I am losing that grip upon you.. Haiz.. I need help, Lord..

What should I do?

New Day, New Morning

Dear Lord,

Good morning~! Haha..

Have been so tired out these days, everyday after work.. To think that I am almost working 7 days a week is still unbelievable for me.. Last Sunday even thou I am not suppose to work, I still spend almost half my day with my pals at work.. Am I hardworking or what?

These few days I have been floating between my past, my present and my future.. Still need some time to sort things out, if I am able to that is.. Perhaps with my humanly ability I wont be able to, but with Lord, your help, I am sure I will emerge as a very much stronger person..

All I need now is time, and support..


Prayer List:

For XiaoYen,
She hasnt been feeling too well these couple of days. Has been sneezing and coughing.. Lord, please grant her with a pink of health so that she will be able to recover. Lord, please take good care of her.

For myself,
Lord, I haven been the best child You have these days. Finally realised what Mike had always said, that once I am working, I will know how much harder it is to stay close with the Lord. So dear Lord, do pull me close and rekinder our relationship. I love you, Lord. =)

And Lord, please grant me some time alone with you. These days I find it so hard to actually seek for the empty slots in my schedule to be able to find a nice quiet spot to pray to you..



All these I ask in Jesus most precious name,
Amen