Sick and Scared..

Dear Lord,

I just took another day of off from work.. Still not in the best of condition to work, be it physically or mentally.. My throat is still hurting and my body is still relatively weak from the fever that I have had a couple of days back..

Then again, that only explains the physically part of my condition.. I am currently overwhelmed with thinking of my long term future in the company..

As I saw the doctor yesterday, I brought up the issue about the numbness I felt on my leg toe.. Initially I was so scared that it could be diabetes, but as it found out, there is nothing to do with diabetes, especially since I dun have the illness.. Instead, I got another terrible blow from the doctor..

He told me that the numbness came from the fact that I have been standing too long in a shoe that is totally not comfortable enough for my legs.. As such, the nerves around the toes area had been suffocated and were being badly damaged, since I didnt not "listen to my body" when the numbness was first felt.. While there is a chance of recovery, it will take lots of months for the nerves to return to it's orginal state.. However, if the nerves are too badly damaged, I may have to live with this "50% feeling" leg..

Suddenly, I realised that being a workaholic doesnt seems to bring you anywhere in terms of health.. In order to climb up the career progression chart of the company fast, I choose to turn a deaf ear to my body's complain, in the end, I have to suffer the consequences of it..

To think that just before starting work I was still reading "Where is God when it Hurts" by Philip Yancey.. To think that I was still pitying people who didnt not listen to their body when they had a chance.. Little did I expect it to happen on myself..

Haiz.. Lord, I am scared..

While I know that this 50% feeling of my left leg will not affect any of my current physical being or will it provide any hinderance to any of my activities, I still dun like the fact that I am not a 100% fully fit and healthy person..

What is the message You are trying to bring across here, Lord? Is this a lesson You want me to learn? Or am I thinking too much?

Either way, I still want to praise You for letting me learn and understand Philip Yancey's book, not only at a head knowledge level, but to actually live it to understand at a personal level.. This way, I will be able to relate and connect with the people whom I will be counselling in the future..

Thankyou Lord.


Up next is my Prayer List, Dear Lord.

For XiaoYen,
Lord, she seems so busy these days. While she does enjoy what she is working now, do protect her and shield her from any harm. Give her a pink of health so that she will be able to go thru' the hectic schedule unscattered..

For myself,
Lord, may you grant me health so that my body will be able to recover fully.

Thankyou Lord.

All this I ask in Jesus most precious name,
Amen